


Pastel III

by Manadrite



Series: Connor Wears Makeup [5]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Cute, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, not much makeup here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:24:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manadrite/pseuds/Manadrite
Summary: Continuation of Pastel II, last part of Pastel.Markus and Connor, after a week of running and chasing, finally talk.





	Pastel III

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this will include PTSD, suicidal thoughts, and depression. It isn’t too explicit, and it is hurt and comfort, be careful reading ^^

“Wait,  _ he _ kissed  _ you _ ?” North asked incredulously.

 

“Yes,” Markus’ eyebrows crinkled with frustration, “He kissed me, told me he wasn’t and wouldn’t ever be good enough, and left!”

 

“You dumbass, why didn’t you chase after him?”

 

“I was kind of shocked that I  _ Connor kissed me _ , and how the hell was I supposed to outrun a  _ car _ !”

 

“Well now we’ll never know because you  _ didn’t.  _ Fucking hell, Connor is such a martyr. You need to go find him.”

 

Markus made a noise of frustration and agreement, “Okay, I’ll find him.”

 

* * *

 

Markus didn’t find him.

 

For the past 3 days, both Connor and Hank were gone. Even  _ Sumo  _ was gone. 

 

He stayed at the house all day like a freakish stalker waiting for them. He could already see the headlines now,  **_Android Jesus stalks Pretty Detective, His Unofficial Adopted Dad, and Huge Dog._ **

 

Finally, he had enough, against his better judgment and Josh’s pleas, he went to the Detroit Police Station.

 

“May I help you?” The girl at the front desk asked with a smile.

 

“I need to see Connor? Hank Anderson’s partner?”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, but Lieutenant Anderson and Connor are on leave. Connor was acting strange, so Lieutenant Anderson decided they should take a week off to go visit a cabin he used to frequent,” She said apologetically.

 

“Oh, when did they leave?” Markus asked, disappointed.

 

“Approximately 3 days ago, they should come back to work in 6 days, and come home in 4.”

 

“Okay, thank you,” He nodded, downtrodden as he walked back to New Jericho.

 

He briefly wondered how Connor had been acting to warrant Hank’s concern so much.

 

Markus sighed, resigning himself that he would just have to wait.

 

Somehow, the fact made him feel worse.

 

* * *

 

“Okay kid, what the fuck happened with the Android Jesus,” Hank fixed him into a scrutinizing look, “Don’t even try to lie to me.”

 

“It’s nothing Hank,” Connor gave a tiny, forced smile.

 

“It sure as hell was something, you’ve been acting like a machine ever since you came back from the talk with him.”

 

“Hank, I am a-“

 

“If you say you’re a fucking machine, I’ll kick your ass. Stop evading.”

 

Connor looked away from his tense face and stern blue eyes.

 

“It will be nothing, I just need to remind myself,” He said quietly.

 

“Remind yourself of what?”

 

“Of what I deserve.”

 

“Jesus fucking  _ Christ _ , this is self deprecating shit, isn’t it?” Hank groaned.

 

“No, merely logically speaking on my own behalf,” Connor brushed off.

 

“Listen you piece of shit, no one deserves to have what they get. Whether it’s shitty or amazing, good things don’t happen to good people and bad things don’t happen to bad people. It’s not about who you are or what you’ve done, life is about luck and working enough to get to what you want. Even if it was about who you are, you would deserve all the good crap because you are a good person, got it?”

 

“I am sure a large sum would disagree,” Connor closed his eyes before opening them with a small smile, “But thank you Hank.”

 

Hank sighed, it was clear his words didn’t get through, but he only ruffled his curly hair and muttered, “No problem asshole.”

 

* * *

 

In exactly 4 days, Markus walked in his room, only to be met with the sight of Hank sitting on a chair with Sumo at his side.

 

Both looked very intimidating.

 

Markus was briefly reminded of an evil villain with a cat on his lap.

 

“The fuck you do to Connor?” Hank said after a moment of tense silence.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Markus responded immediately, worried lines on his perfectly created face.

 

“He’s acting like a shitty machine again but worse. He’s refusing to do anything but work, he’s forcing awkward smiles, evading his emotions, and being a self deprecating asshole. I repeat, the  _ fuck _ did you do?”

 

“I told him I loved him,” Markus felt his face flush.

 

“I swear if you forced yourself on him-“ Hank’s eyes glowed fierce, protective anger, the usually lazy dog at his side gave a low growl as if he understood.

 

“I’d never do that!” Markus protested, angry even at the notion, “I told him I loved him, and  _ he kissed me _ !”

 

“The fuck is the problem then?” Hank’s eyes narrowed in suspicious.

 

“He said, ‘you deserve better than anything I can ever be,’ and left. I’ve been trying to contact him for days but I can’t reach him,” Markus bit his lip, willing himself to try and calm down.  

 

“Are you actually teenagers? Oh my god I’m too old for this crap. Go fucking talk to him, he’s at home,” Hank rolled his eyes, “Don’t knock it’s open. I need a beer.”

 

Without another word the silver haired man walked out, Sumo trailing after him like a baby chick.

 

Markus gaped after him before he heard a creak, he turned to see Simon, Josh, and North peeking in.

 

“How long were you watching?” Markus grumbled.

 

“Since Hank came in and demanded to hack your dick off,” North chirped.

 

“You guys suck.”

 

“Go talk to him,” Simon interrupted.

 

“You’re annoying when you sulk,” Josh added helpfully.

 

Markus glared.

 

* * *

 

Connor ran his eyes over the book he was reading, Hank had a rather extensive collection of crime novels that he found rather amusing. It was quite obvious who was doing it.

 

Usually he would be laughing, criticizing it at Hank who rolled his eyes and called him a “Robocop,” while Sumo slobbered all over his legs.

 

But he was alone and it didn’t feel amusing to him anymore.

 

The empty house never felt so lonely as it did now.

 

Even if he refused to talk about what happened, Hank’s presence was comforting, that he was with him because he cared.

 

It’s hard to let people care about you.

 

But Hank knew every horrible thing he’d done, how dirty he was, how disgusting.

 

Hank had been the reason he deviated, and he was the reason he didn’t deactivate himself at this point.

 

It’s funny how not too long ago, he was pleading Hank to take care of himself, to stop trying to die. 

 

Now he was the one who felt tired.

 

Sometimes he wished he was still a machine, so he didn’t have to feel this horrible guilt and didn’t have to feel sad or angry or scared. 

 

Connor used to be afraid to die. Being trapped as a machine, he felt budding freedom, he didn’t want to lose, didn’t want to lose the memories of Hank. 

 

Now? He was tired, tired in a way only someone who was a dirty killer could be.

 

He could hide in soft sweaters, let himself pretend makeup would make the ugly past go away, and just let him  _ be.  _

 

But the truth was, it was  _ selfish. _

 

The door flew open, Connor startled in surprise, “Hank?”

 

But it wasn’t Hank.

 

It was the heterochromatic eyed android who was staring him down with sad puppy eyes.

 

“Hello Markus, I wasn’t expecting you,” Connor said after a beat of silence. 

 

His eyebrows drew together as he scanned Connor, his LED was flashing red and he was sitting tensely in an old hoodie he recognized to be Hank’s.

 

“Why did you leave?” He asked softly.

 

Connor tensed even more, plastering a stiff smile, “I said all that was to be said on the topic, there was no point in continuing it.”

 

“I didn’t say what I needed.”

 

“You don’t need to say anything Markus, you may not know now, but you will.” 

 

“Connor, that’s bull and you know it,” Markus snapped, “Tell me what you meant by ‘you deserve better than anything I can ever be.’ That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

“Exactly what it sounds like, you deserve  _ better _ . I don’t know why you… you  _ admire _ me, but I’m not one deserving of that.”

 

“Yes you are, why won’t you just get that through your head? You deserve everything!”

 

“Because I’m a murderer Markus!” Connor snapped.

 

They both fell silent, Connor took a needless breath to calm himself.

 

“I’m a murderer of innocent beings,” He repeated, more calmly.

 

“It wasn’t you, it was your programming,” Markus retorted stubbornly.

 

“It doesn’t matter if I was aware. When I close my eyes, I see their faces, I see them  _ scared _ and  _ helpless _ and  _ betrayed.  _ I feel the blood on my hands and my face, crimson and blue, and no matter how hard I scrub and scratch, it never goes away. I can always feel it, I scrub until I’m bleeding but it never goes away. I can hear them screaming, I can hear the gunshots, I can hear the begging. I can taste the blood and gunpowder on my tongue, and it never goes away. I was created to  _ kill.  _ I’m a murderer, a filthy murderer. Killers don’t belong with saviors,” By the time Connor was finished, tears were running down his pale cheeks, voice box cracking.

 

Markus held him tightly, “It’s okay, everything is okay. It wasn’t you.”

 

“ _ No _ , they are  _ dead _ , because of  _ me.  _ I can’t ever erase that, I can’t ever forget, I can’t ever forgive myself.”

 

Markus cupped his face, making him meet his eyes.

 

“Connor, you are not a murderer. Cyberlife is. You do the right thing, you are a good person no matter what you may think. Everyday you save people, you work day and night at your own expense. Your past doesn’t matter,  _ you  _ matter.”

 

Connor shut his eyes, “You shouldn’t like me, you shouldn’t, you can have someone better, someone who  _ deserves _ you.”

 

“Maybe I think you deserve me, if I’m so great, don’t I get to choose who I love?” Markus shot back.

 

A tiny laugh escaped the brunet, he shook his head, “You’re so stubborn.”

 

“How did you know I loved you?” Markus asked with a nervous laugh.

 

“Markus, the first time we hung out you said ‘I’m gay’ then switched it to ‘hey.’ You’ve complimented my posterior multiple times. You got a nosebleed when I was in makeup. The amount of ‘hints’’ all of you drop is quite sad.”

 

“Then why didn’t you respond?” Markus asked with an embarrassed look.

 

“I was hoping if I acted clueless enough, you’d get tired and see how much better someone else would be,” Connor blinked. 

 

“For a genius, you’re an idiot,” Markus said blankly.

 

Connor shrugged, “You’re the one who likes me of all people.”

 

“Do… do you like me?” Markus asked hesitantly.

 

Connor flushed and looked away, “I find you appealing in every aspect, yes.”

 

“Would you break my arm if I asked you on a date?”

 

Connor smiled, “I believe I can refrain from violence.”

 

“Then will you go on a date with me?”

 

“No.”

 

“What?” Markus gave him a heartbroken look.

 

“I’m kidding,” Connor laughed, “Yes, I will.”

 

Markus blushed but smiled nonetheless, leaning in and finally giving Connor a proper kiss. 

 

He wasn’t letting him run away anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> And that wraps up Pastel :D the new makeup coming soon


End file.
